I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
