You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
