me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
