You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
