another moral hangover. fuck.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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