I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
