he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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