i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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