We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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