It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
