the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
