Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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