I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
