I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
