You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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