ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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