You're earring is so big in my mouth
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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