I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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