if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
