her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
