I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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