I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
