If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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