you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
