Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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