carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
