Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
