i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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