I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
