i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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