OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
