Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
did you just send me my own nude
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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