It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just had sex on a roof
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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