Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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