Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
