So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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