got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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