I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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