i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
