Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
