like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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