It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
