he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My vagina just clenched in fear
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
