For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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