either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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