They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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