He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
