So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
