There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
