dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it's like heaven, but drunker
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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