I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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